What’s Your Paint Color?
Many years ago, I delivered a sermon likening humans to pixels on a screen. I explained that we all need to do our own thing independent of those around us or the picture doesn’t look right, and if we’re all the same color, it’s nothing worth looking at. It’s also very obvious when one of us stops shining their light—that single black pixel gets your attention all. the. time.
But my kiddo’s journey to find and express their gender and sexuality took me a step further into my color analogy. When my kiddo first began talking to us about it, they describes themself as a demi-girl and explained that while part of them felt female, part of them felt non-gendered. At that time, they indicated that she/her or they/them pronouns were acceptable. Over time, their understanding about themselves developed, and they advised that they/them were their correct pronouns.
In the process of being educated about all the different types of gender expression and learning to identify some of the various flags, I found myself getting really loud inside my head. Why are folks slicing these distinctions so thin? Why are there so many different terms? My first thought after having these questions was: dang. I’m a shitty ally. My next thought was: way to make it about you. After taking some deep breaths and granting myself some grace, I asked myself why this bothered me. What followed was a beautiful moment of clarity in which, instead of receiving an answer, I received a new way to look at things. And it’s been such a helpful tool both for me and others I’ve shared it with, I want to share it with you.
Have you ever painted a room? Or picked out a color for your wedding? Or for a dress? Have you and your friends ever fought over the correct description of a color? I love the huge boxes of crayons and could wax poetic on the variations between periwinkle and cornflower. I remember my bridesmaid dresses were Royple—a royal blue/purple mix. There are a quadrillion different colors, each with barely perceptible differences. This one a bit more white, that one more grey, this one a shade pinker, that one more green.
One of my high school friends and I were obsessed with the color mint green (making a comeback these days. Woot!) We would wander through the store and discuss whether any given shirt was too blue or too green to be “officially” mint green. We knew what the color we loved was, and we knew when what we saw wasn’t it.
And no one I know has ever begrudged a person who is looking at paint chips but just hasn’t found that exact shade of whatever that their room needs. It might be frustrating because we don’t see the difference they see, but I don’t know anyone who has ever said that the difference isn’t there, or that someone should just settle settle for “close enough.” Colors are powerful and painting our rooms and homes in specific ways matters. We can all identify with that.
Here’s the thing: gender identity is a spectrum, just like color. Folks are making fine slices and creating new names and categories because they are looking for their “color” descriptor. And if I’m not going to begrudge someone trying to find the right color for their home or clothes or car or painting, I’m sure as heck not going to stop them from finding the right “shade” to describe who they know themselves to be.
Once I realized this, it became so easy to support not just my kiddo but everyone as they figure out who they are and how they want to be identified. And not just in terms of gender expression or sexuality. The truth is, we choose how we define ourselves in so many different ways everyday. Maybe it’s your given name, a nickname, or your middle name. Maybe you request a name change altogether. How about your profession? Do you like lawyer or attorney? Is “professor” good enough or does it need to be “doctor”? Dishwasher or underwater ceramics specialist? How about all the different names for grandparents? Are you Grandma? Nana? Gigi? You’re in a relationship. Are you a spouse? Partner? Boy/girlfriend? Date? Hookup?
Words matter. How we see ourselves, how we define ourselves, how we label ourselves matters. And having others acknowledge and accept those chosen definitions matters.
So pick your color and live it. Now, maybe you’re just blue. Any blue is fine. That’s awesome. I will honor your blue-ness. I just ask that you honor that I am not merely green, but mint green. And maybe we don’t agree on what mint green is, exactly. That’s okay. I don’t need you to be able to recognize mint green, or even see the difference between mint green and light green; just acknowledge that I do. That’s all anyone wants. Not perfection, but to be seen, recognized, and loved for who they are and how they see themselves. In this great big glorious world, I can think of nothing more beautiful I want to see.
Disney Storytelling Timeline
This is going to be an ongoing and frequently updated post intended as a timeline to document the various changes in Disney storytelling. If you have additions, comments, concerns, or disagreements, please leave them in the comments. Thanks!
Beauty and the Beast - 1991
Heroine reads, love books, and rescues the prince
Aladdin - 1992
Heroine fights against arranged marriage; seeks marriage based on love
Reverses overcoming class obstacles a la Cinderella by making the female royalty and the male underclass
Pocahontas - 1995
Non-white heroine
Mulan - 1998
Non-white, non-US-centric heroine
Dip of the toe into gender issues re dress & military abilities & expectations
Lilo & Stitch - 2002
Feature Pacific Islanders
Siblings parenting siblings/absent parents
Features songs in native non-English language written/performed by a member of the represented group
The Princess and the Frog - 2009
Black heroine
Black love interest
Tiny recognition of whites intentionally trying to prevent blacks from moving up through the bankers’ actions
Brave - 2012
Heroine has no interest in romantic love
Frozen - 2013
Challenges the idea of marrying someone you just met
Villain isn’t obvious at the beginning
Big Hero 6 - 2014
First to deal with the various expressions and responses to grief/death/loss
Sibling loss
Inside Out - 2015
Trauma of moving
Utility of emotions—they are neutral; neither bad nor good
No villain
Zootopia - 2016
Directly addresses racism & bigotry, through allegory
Moana - 2016
No love interest/plotline for the heroine
Frozen 2 - 2019
Acknowledgment of family’s past bigoted/hurtful actions and being proactive to fix the harm, with knowledge and acceptance of personal sacrifice that will occur
Raya and the Last Dragon - 2021
Heroine and antagonist are both female, smart, and capable
Examines the competitiveness, fakeness, and backstabbing sometimes inherent in female friendships
Voice-casting was more representative (East Asian—but see concerns that not Southeast Asian)
Encanto - 2021
Set in Columbia
Female leader without royalty/governance lineage
Encanto
This is the first post in my discussion of important changes, additions, or inclusions in Disney storytelling. I am starting here because it is the most recent and also because it is my discussions with others about this film that was the impetus for starting this series.
Earlier today, my husband reposted a discussion post from Facebook where user Aimee Ford wrote and supported her observation that “Mariano is the most important character in Encanto. Not for the story, but for *Disney.” The post has since been removed or hidden, so I cannot link to it, but here are my screenshots of it:
I think Encanto is important because many of the characters break a mold. Here are just a few of my thoughts:
Augustin and Felix are very strong men to love and marry women who are objectively stronger and more powerful in their community and are recognized for their gifts. In “our” world, they would be seen as weak for not dominating their wives.
Augustin is in a particularly interesting position. He married into the family without powers and no expectations of getting them. Mirabel was expected to have them, but didn’t get them. He tries to empathize with her because he knows how it feels to be powerless among the gifted, but he never experienced the rejection and disappointment Mirabel did because he was never expected to be more. He has to watch his family crap all over his youngest daughter.
The head of the family is a woman. Not a king. Not a king and a queen. Not even a queen. Not anyone from whom leadership was expected. Not someone who had been groomed for power or raised learning how to bear such a huge responsibility. Just a “regular” woman. And she is in charge. Although the story involves the recognition that she made mistakes, Mirabel’s speech emphasizes that it was Abuela’s strength and sacrifice that allowed her to receive the miracle in the first place and save the family, but now the burden is no longer solely on her shoulders and she can let go and enjoy life without all of the responsibility.
I love the tensions being caused by Louisa. She is strong physically and is drawn consistent with that strength. They did not make her petite and magically strong. She looks like a physically strong person. But she in unapologetically feminine in dress and mannerisms, particularly when dancing. People are fighting about whether she is trans, but I think the beauty is that we don’t and won’t ever know. It isn’t relevant to the story and it isn’t any of our business. We have to accept her and her pronouns as is. We can’t test her DNA or look up her skirt. We have to live without knowing. And I think that is exactly the right answer.
I love that even though Dolores is interested in Mariano, she has no objections to Isabella marrying him without getting to know him because of family expectations. Indeed, arguably, Dolores knows Mariano even better than Isabella because she has heard him—as she tells him. But once Mariano is available and it is her relationship, she is not about to rush it. “Slow Down!” is her response to his proposal. Following in Frozen’s footsteps, instant marriage is off the table. I LOVE that about her!