Things to Say and Not Say

One of the most difficult things when dealing with people who are grieving is knowing what to say.  Even when you've been through grief, you can find yourself tongue-tied when faced with the grief of others.

When you encounter people who are grieving, here are some easy dos and don'ts to follow.

Do say

• I'm sorry for your loss.

• I have no words to express how sorry I am.

• I know how much they meant to you.

• I know you're going to miss them.

• I know how much you wanted that to work out.

• This sucks.

• I'm sorry this happened to you.

• I'm sorry you are hurting.

• I hate that you are hurting.

• I wish I could make this better for you.

Don't say

• Everything happens for a reason.

• They are in a better place.

• You'll get over it.

• It was their time.

• God needed another angel.

• At least they aren't suffering anymore.

• God wouldn't give you more than you can handle.

• It's not that bad.

Additional Tips

• Only say "I know how you feel" if you have truly had a similar experience. Otherwise, stay away from this phrase.

• Also stay away from religious platitudes. These generally only makes the person who is saying them feel better and do little to help the griever. Leave religious discussions for the griever and their clergy person.